I made the choice to set Bruise Cruise in the year 2042, following the Unfathomable Events, so that I could stretch the boundaries of acceptable behavior between cruise lines in the battle for market share. (Missiles, torpedoes, anchors dropped on ships from outer space.) But the history of the Caribbean/Gulf of Mexico region reveals a world that is nearly as weird as the one governed by The Unfathomables.
Each of Bruise Cruise's 82 Action cards is accompanied by a statement about the country or port depicted on the card. Some of these statements are facts and others are "facts."
OH SNAP, POP QUIZ OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLOG POST.
The following statements appear on Action cards in Bruise Cruise. Try to guess which ones are facts and which are "facts." Your score will be added to your permanent record.
Want to become a citizen of Antigua and Barbuda? Just donate USD $100K to the National Development Fund and sign this form. That’s it! Welcome, citizen!
Fact. If you need to suddenly flee your country with $100K in a duffel bag and are looking for a destination, consider Antigua and Barbuda.
“Limón” is Spanish for “Sprite.”
"Fact." Limón is actually a French word. It means "Sprite."
Tulum is home to the ruins of an impressive temple dedicated to the Mayan creator god Itzamna.
Big deal. I have three corporate malfeasance
Fact. But soon this will become a "fact" because there are at least four more corporate malfeasance laws in the pipeline, brought to you by yours truly.
In 2042 (the current year), Cancún is home to nearly one million residents. In 1970, the population was three.
Not three million.
Fact. Prior to becoming a resort, Cancún was a coconut plantation tended by three people and one cow.
The Grandest Turk of all time was a fake robot that beat Napoleon Bonaparte and Benjamin Franklin in chess.
The patron saint of Key West is author James William Buffett, who has reached #1 on the New York Times Best Seller list for both his fiction and nonfiction.
(This is true.)
Fact. Did you see the parenthetical sentence? If you made it this far and got that one wrong, how are you reading this? I am afraid of you.
The Bermuda Triangle isn’t actually a triangle. It’s a square. Also, it isn’t even near Bermuda. It’s in the middle of the United States and its real name is Wyoming.
"Fact." Gotcha: you didn't examine the card, did you? Hamilton's engine rating is 4, not 7, and it can be exchanged for 3 life preservers, not 2 torpedoes. The part about the Bermuda Triangle is true.
62% of the furniture in New Orleans is made of skulls.
Along with Aruba and Curaçao, Bonaire is part of the ABC island chain. You’d think that Bonaire would be represented by the letter B, but you’d be wrong, because it traded for C with Curaçao.
"Fact." The letter B was actually traded for Curaçao natives Andrelton Simmons and Kenley Jansen.
Puerto La Cruz
Attempts by our marketing department to get Puerto La Cruz to change its name to Puerto La Bruz Cruz have thus far been met with confused stares and occasional violence.
We’re not giving up.
Fact. We always have a plan B. In this case, B stands for bribe.
How did you do?
0-9: Normal person.
10: Please contact me. There is a position in our research department for you.
OH SNAP, BC HEADQUARTERS INTERRUPTS THE ADMIRAL'S POST WITH A CALL TO ACTION!
Can't get enough facts or "facts"?
If you want immerse yourself in these and other facts/"facts," you can wear them and/or drink out of them!
If you don't see one of your favorites, such as the ones in the quiz above and others we've posted to social media, let us know and we'll get it created for you.