Do not even attempt to fathom us!
We are The Unfathomables!
Did we cause the Unfathomable Events of 2037? Perhaps! Did we seize the opportunity to swoop into the power vacuum that followed? Definitely, Susan!
We control a planet! It is Earth.
We hate the cruise industry! For reasons you could not possibly fathom.
One fathom is exactly six feet. Did you know that?
LIAR!
One nautical mile is approximately 1.15 miles. One knot is a speed of one nautical mile per hour.
We must teach you the ways of seafaring, for you are ignorant and your hat is on crooked!
Are we the Kakfaesque manifestation of one unhinged admiral's dream? Are we the realization of The Lathe of Heaven?
Nope!
You should read more books.
Is this a sketch of us? Possibly!
You cannot fathom where we live! You cannot fathom how tall we are, nor what we like to eat after a difficult day of dropping anchors on cruise ships from space! (See page 8 of The Manual.)
Do you understand what we are trying to say, Brad? Is it fathomable to you? Because we are not! Fathomable, that is.
Fix your hat!
Do you know any warlords? No, you do not. But we do! They live on an island northeast of Puerto Rico where the ratio of people to karaoke bars is 3:1.
We know the Sirens of Siren Island! They gave us their phone numbers! Well, one of them did.
Still counts!
Now we must leave for shuffleboard practice! We are playing the culinary crew of Peasant Cruise Lines next week. Big match, very important.
Editor’s note: It appears that The Unfathomables are using this blog as an attempt to reap very small rewards from Amazon’s affiliate program. They’re in charge of Earth, so they can do whatever weird stuff they want, but this doesn’t make sense given that they already control worldwide production of life preservers. As we all know, in the year 2042 (the current year), life preservers are the only currency, per decree by The Unfathomables.
That said, nothing they do or say makes any sense, so if you want to buy some books using the links above, go ahead. The Unfathomables may be dreadful, but their taste in literature isn’t.